blog to find me.

February 1, 2017 - Leave a Response


Time, Love and Death

January 31, 2017 - Leave a Response

I am short on the time I have to spend with the people I love.

Though this world filled with hate seems to be endless I remain just close enough away from death.

May the work I put in now change the future for all, for the better.

As the time I have left will be defined by the love I give and teach those who need support in spreading this love instead of the hate and self loathing. Until my last breathe within this world I vow to love deeply and continue to grow from my soul to the next.

May time, love and death fear my soul as I have no master, as I am free.

Singing, eyes and text

December 15, 2014 - Leave a Response

I may have lasted over a month without you, surely my heart should be moving on right now. Delete the pictures, numbers, poems I wrote for you. I just can’t do all that yet. In the hopeless romantic heart of mine, I believe I love you throughout this break up and still that you are my love story. I’ve been with people before, moved in with them, shown them my deepest being. I have done it all before apart from with you I gave myself whole to you. For once I dreamt with someone instead of being selfish.

I guess my heart is still learning and while I am singing frozen songs with my friends getting drunk, maybe it’s time to let it go. I can’t rush this feeling and though I know I’m not getting any younger and some of my dreams may vanish. I refuse to stop believing in love. My eyes will meet yours one day and sparks will blind us. Til then I will ready my heart, repair the scars and wounds. Build up a home for myself to one day singing and happy hum while my love is texting me, telling me how much they miss my eyes.

Blocked, Blind and Feeling

December 10, 2014 - Leave a Response

James Blunt – When I find love again.

Playing in my ears. Mistakes I’ve made plenty of these. I could right now make them again so easy. I told myself last year I would not just jump into bed with the first person who wants me. Last time I hurt others because of this and hurt myself in the process, not this time. I choose to make a better plan for me. I may never find true love that is the scariest thing I’ve ever admitted to myself and the world. But at least I dream with an unblocked heart, eyes wide open with the full feeling of pain and hope.

I will not be blocked and blind to the feelings anymore.

Sit, Wishing and Hoping

December 7, 2014 - Leave a Response

Unlucky for me, I’ve been dumped and all my dreams came crashing down.

Dreams of marriage and children BOOM gone.

On top of that I am off work ill and basically homeless. Top life with my heart crawling around in pieces.

But with all this pain and the daily thought of you and the fact I can’t make you happy anymore.

With the eagles in the sky circling me for their next girl.

I am trying not to get tempted by the shinning new pennies.

I believe in the love I dream and that one day I will find that person to love me from the inside and out.

Wishing I don’t fall for the tricks of my old fake self, or getting with someone just for the fact they want me.

Hoping I stay strong and through the tears of loss, I find my true love.

The love that holds us together through the stars of time.

But until then, I will walk not sit, get not wish and Believe not hope.

The Catch up 13.02 A Bluebell Cottage

October 13, 2014 - Leave a Response

I watch this angel flying

Air blows you closer to me

Thankful to God

Every step I take now

Is blesses as I have you

As the Bluebells bloom in the sun

I notice you’re the only one for me

When the river floods over

I know you’ll be safe as you have wings

And in the highest tree I’ll be.

How did the gates of heaven

Let you through without charge

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven

Some classic cheese but you stayed.

I might not know me

But An angel I see.

And That angel loves me.


The catch up 13 .01 Try to change me

October 13, 2014 - Leave a Response

Why do I have to change

just to please you

I’m not happy the way I am

But I’ll change in time everyone does

You can’t try to hurt me no more

I may hurt myself

But I refuse for you to hurt me

Stuff I may do, may sound silly

But I have done this to me

and now I’ll try to stop

when I look down the road

I can’t see past the now

And I won’t ever know

How my life would be

If I didn’t cut me

so don’t try bring me down

as i am already on the ground

so don’t try to change me

it’s something I will do eventually.

Home memories

August 19, 2014 - Leave a Response

We’ve just come back from my mum and dad’s house. We spent the day with my mum’s side of the family¬†and again like always my brother who i thought a lot of when i was younger let the family down again to do things to benefit him. My poor mum does everything for her children and grandchildren to get nothing from him if she is lucky a birthday card from him. I would understand if he was poor but nope been to see every F1 race this year. Rant over because I found all my poems and writings when i was younger and will from today write them on here. It might take a while to get them all on here but I will try my best. I ws vey lost when I was younger thanks to many emotional events. I wouldn’t change my past because I am now happy and have a great awareness of feelings of others which helps me teach and coach.

Day two weddings

April 18, 2014 - Leave a Response

Being home and at my mum and dads surrounded by my family, I’ve realised though I love to travel and see the world there is no better feeling than sharing love with family and friends. My new girlfriend is amazing and we are just getting used to each other’s ways. She is so caring and I’ve never been with anyone like that before. She can just sit there and let me tell her about a time when I was younger or anything. She listens to me and is happy to see me happy. We do live miles apart if I move to be closer to my family and the truth is, I would want her to move with her daughter here. That once would of scared me but now I’ve realised I want a family life back and them to be part of it. It is going to be hard to figure this out 100miles difference and more than just me and her to think about. But sat at my cousins wedding seeing her so happy surrounded by family made me think that’s the life for me. I’ve arranged a BBQ when I am back from university for my mums side of the family because I want to spend more time with my family as life is short. Still going to be myself and travel too but the heart belongs with love and I love my family.



Change day one

April 16, 2014 - Leave a Response

I failed to achieve the goals set well not all and I can still achieve another. So let’s catch you up on my life. I got engaged whoop I know big news. Had an engagement party and then boom she was cheating on me with someone from work amazing right! Then a strange feeling of freedom and hope of becoming myself came. In fact I don’t eve think I was in love, I was in love with the idea of how things could be. I joined the football and rugby team to help me loose weight and get fitter. By Christmas I had lost over 6stone more than enough to be proud of but I am not giving up on the weight I want to be. I never knew how rubbish I would feel about losing weight though. None of my clothes fit and I still look big due to my baggy clothes which sucks. I have now scored in basketball, football and scored trys in rugby for university which I am proud to achieve. I have nearly finished my degree which I hope in getting a 2:1 will find out soon if that is possible. Thanks to my ex I feel more myself and happy to make choices for my own gain again. I have met so many good people since letting my ex go. I have found a part of myself that I thought I lost, I am writing again poems and little sayings that come to me. Even better I have found someone who lights a fire in me to continue that. She is my adventure and thanks to her I am a romantic again and believe that life is and can be amazing if you make it that way.

Smiling with you